And my Life!

Life has never been planned for me!
I was preparing for medicals and I landed in present course!
I wanted to be the president of editorial society and became the president of debating!
I wanted to go to Asutralia for internship and ended up going to States!
I wanted to be the president of college but instead i am nominating myself for the best all round student!
One thing, which is going 24/7 in my mind, inspite of the fact that my exams are near and other bullshit...dat what m supposed to do after 6 months. Earning money has never been an issue and it never will be... because i am very independent!
But I seriously dont know what to do further?
I want to study abroad.
Now should i do it right after graduation or wait for a year!
For few weeks, i was thinking, i shud stay here for one more year!
But now i think, I shouldnot!
I think, I should start applying for scholarships and get out of the emotional bullshit!
I need to strt wrking for it from tomorrow!
My mind does not want to stay in Delhi no matter, how much my heart wants to!
I need to take a stand!
And move out!
Sacrifice and get vanished away!
P. S: I need to start wrking on this!

On No!

And i am so shocked! Bullshit!
In these 3 years, i have more debating prizes and less of creative writing.
Nohe....This cant be true...
Shit! Shit! Shit!

And every special person of my life!

Everynight, before I sleep, I remind myself that I am a strong girl.
Before Summer 2009, I used to delete people from my life.
I was tired of people ditching people, backstabing me, being diplomatic and being fake.
I was tired of being felt insignificant in the lives of people whom i really used to care about.
Time had me lose faith in relationships, trust, love and friendship.
And all these events, one after another, made me like a machine.
A machine which worked continuously to earn, to work, to be a hard core workaholic.
I had to be nothing but the best. It was some kind of challenge. Some kind of game.
What actually mattered was that i had to give the best performance and be flawless.
But i started losing my inner connectivity with my soul.
I turned into one hard core, insensitive and detached moron. Work was all that actualy mattered.
One act and no matter how special you are in my life, you will be deleted in such a hard way, that you will always think, if u actually existed in my life! I had left forgiving people!
Every person became an enemy and every friendship a mere war!
But perhaps, after coming back from America, I realised I never should delete people who really matter.
Normally I donot show my pain, even if it kills me inside, but the pain of losing some of the best friends i had, is there, everytime, everywhere, like a vacuum with which i will have to live with, foreover!
I thank these people who are really special in my life...
1. Ashwani: Thanks for being true to me, inspite of knowing the eventual end. Thanks for being yourself and being there for me. We all make mistakes. We made ours. But the fact remains, we both will always be there for each other!
2. Hameed: Whenever i talk to you, it feels as if I am talking to myself, as i was years back. I love debating with you. You are my best friend and believe me, you just need to tell me and I will be there, just like i was in Bangalore, for you! And yes, I am happy to meet someone who also lives in the same movies like I do!
3. Madiha: Whenever i remember you, I will remember 2 important lines. First, "It should not make a difference in your life, as it did in mine" and also "people are often known by their bad deeds rather than their good ones." You have actually hugged me when i cried. U made me come out of my cocoons. And i always wanted a Pakistani best frend :)
4. Jyostna: I sinply love you. There is nothing else to tell you man. U are just so special.
5. Neha, Ritu and Smriti: Ah, yes! We finally have a gang. And i bet, after 6 months, we will remember each other like anything!
6. Rizwan: You are one person who comes to know when i am upset and angry! U will never let me vanish from ur life. And the best thing is, i found you when we had actually lost each other. This makes our friendship special. Come to delhi...fast...
7. Abhishek: U have taught me how to see relationships in a diff manner. In the past so many years, thought, i have started understanding you more now. Thanks for reading my blogs so religiously, thanks for asking me how i am, everyday. Thanks for being there inspite of ur broken leg..:) U r a hard core Taurean.
8. Nikita: U are younger to me but u know how to face my ruthless anger and mood swings. thanks for taking the place of a sister in this college and making me feel that good people still exist.
9. Yash: Ah! here is my bestest frend of life. I just need to give him a call and he is there, for ever, for always. We fight, we bitch, we crack loser jokes and we laugh like nerds. I really pray u get the girl u always wanted.
10. Piyush: I know u will read this blog and i also know that why u do so! You have actually seen the worst part of me and still been there for me. You know the bitch I am and can be, but I really feel nice, when u make me believe I am not so!
11. The silent speaker: I know I am insignificant in your life but every single second of my life, I miss you, irrespective of knowing that my words are not understood and your opinion should always be respected. But till time permits, I will feel for you, with all my heart. You dont need to change for me. You are too perfect for me and i seriosuly dnt deserve you!

God bless all these people.
They have changed my life, in their own small ways!
They have become my support system and my life!
I pray to God that these people never change, because even if one of them changes, I will perhaps, nt rejuvenate any further......
God Bless Yah!
P. S: Shukran Allah! Ameen!

The proposal

After 2 months of desperate wait to watch this flick, well, m not very much impressed by the story! The movie could have been a lot more better, with more engaging scenes. Nevertheless, there are some dialogues which do touch your soul. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock were as awesome as the script gave them the freedom to be.

The story is about Sandra who is the Editor in Chief of Golden Books. She is one creature, who has completely cut down her emotional side, torments her office staff and is a control freak. The hell breaks lose on her when she is being deported to her native place Toronto in Canada as her Visa got expired. She loved her job, she just couldnt let it go. So, she suddenly makes the announcement of marrying her secretary Ryan Reynolds, so that she gets through the immigration process.

Thinking that the entire process is just a business deal, she forces Ryan to accept her proposal and also bribes him with the editor's position. Ryan agrees. As a part of the deal, they visit his home in Sitka, Alaska...and thats where they realise they loved each other, just in 3 days! The best role is played by the Grandma, for sure!

The best dialogues of the movie are

1. when the grandma says " i have had 89 birthdays till now but i dont remember any one of them"...This line makes u think about your future...your life...and somehow, u say to yourself, u dnt want to say this line...I dnt know, it might not be appealing to all of u, but for me, it was!

2. When Grandma says " Whatever you do is what shall be". This line has a lot of depth.

3. When Ryan says to Sandra " dnt take it otherwise, but you are a bful woman."

4. When Ryan ultimately says to Sandra " I want to marry you because i want to date you..." it was cute...

There are several other things abt the movie which are cute...but then, it cud have been a lot more better. I expected a lot from Ryan after Definitely Maybe, but perhaps, his next flick will be better.

And the best scene, is obviously, when she falls in the ocean and he hugs her!

Anyways, lets keep it till that, right now! There was something missing in "the proposal" to actually touch my heart.

P. S: I still adore Ryan and his innocent looks!

Brett Lee

My infatuation for Brett Lee started when i was in 9th, particularly, when i was sitting on the Guwahati railway platform. I never knew, like the other girls, I too would get so madly and badly in love with him. But let's call the entire thing as crush!
Ask any of my friends from class, everyone knew how desperately i used to think about him...I actually had a made a diary, having all his photographs, his articles( he writes well), etc etc..My friends knew that nothing could make me happy like gifting a Brett Lee poster. At times, when i never had celotape to glue the pics, i also used hansaplast. Sheer Madness.
I had also told my entire family that I was going to marry him in the coming ages. Later, it changed to writing a book about him.
I still remember, how i used to sit infront of Star Sports for hours, even when my boards were going on, to actually catch a glimpse of any of his advertisements. He was my lucky charm.
I knew that on my bday, there will be an article of his, in HT. And there was! I knew it, my intituition is never wrong.
I actually made my Grandparents know and pronounce Brett Lee...at least 50 times a day!
And like every love story...it also had a happy ending...lol!
I still remember, it was Rezvendous coming on Star World, hosted by Simi Garewal.
Brett Lee was called in that show as the guest. I still remember the Black attire he wore. I didnt have star world in my TV, so i actually ran to watch the episode to my aunt's house and i literally sat in front of the TV, with folded hands and innocence in eyes. I actually can see myself..in the past...doing that...
That was sheer madness...
And then...Simi gives him a guitar...( By the way, let me tel you, I was obsessed about guitars then).
There was a song ...of Ronan Keating, called as "You Say it Best when you say nothing at all"...I used to hear that song, 30 times a day...and no one knew i loved that song...it was too special for me...
Even that day, i had already heard it around 40 times...
When Lee got the guitar...he played "Mukabala" first...
and then, he stopped...i still remember it..
I heard that tune...
those guitar chords...
which i actually had been living and dying for...
And Lee sang the entire song...
It was the most special song..
I didnt know when i had tears in my eyes...as usual...
This was my happy ending...
After that, i havent been so much in touch with what's actually happening in his life...
But the fact remains....
I had this strong crush for him for 4 years...sheer madness....
Anywways, happy bday to you Brett Lee...
God bless You where ever you are...
From
just a small fan
Shubhda
P. S: I will meet u in this lifetime...

Hum Tum

Lets nt at all mention the fact that i cried while watching this movie. Because, even if I say it here, i wont stop doing that! Lets also not mention the fact that I had been searching for it, badly and desperately for a year. Lets also ignore the fact that this movie seems to be very close to my heart.

So, the most beautiful dialogue of the movie remains as

"Kabhi kabhi ek mulakaat kaafi hoti hai..aur kabhi kayi mulakaatein lag jaati hain"

This movie is all about how the characters think they are strong enough to face life. But then, all of them, realise, they had been blind, lost and above all, weak!

The story is about Karan( a famous cartoonist) and Rhea( a fashion designer), who meet again and again. Karan is a cassanova, doesnot trust relationships since, when he was young, his parents got separated. So, he just plays along with girls. Love didnt exist in his dictionary as he had made himself so strong, so that he doesnt actually get affected by it, anymore. Rhea, his friend, is totally opposite to him. She is a girl who is confident, talkative, believes in her own concepts and yes, love is very important for her. Their paths keep crossing. Rhea gets married to Sameer( Abhisekh Bachchan)..but in an accident, he dies.

She leaves everything and goes to stay In Paris, away from every relative. She just has her mother with her. Life is going on for her, when Karan enters her life again. This time, he comes up as a mature friend, ready to take care of her. Being very well aware of the fact that Rhea wants someone who is sensible, he tries hooking her up with his bestfrend Mihir.

But time had other plans. Before both of them could realise they were deeply in love, Karan acts his usual self and lets her go, away from his life. To make him realise what he is losing, enters his father (Rishi Kapoor), confessing how incomplete he was without his wife and it took him 17 years to get back to her. Karan realises how much he actually loved Rhea...runs to find her to Paris..but she is gone, gone forever...

It was only when he writes a book "Hum Tum"...in which he confesses about everything he never managed to say, he gets her back, as suddenly, as she left him...

My favourite scenes...or the scenes where i cried...

1. When Karan meets Rhea in Paris. They go for a walk while snow is falling in the background. He is shocked to find Rhea so quiet, as if she doesnt exist anymore. Throughout the way, he tries to say anything which might be able to console her for the deep loss of Sameer. But he fails to do so. He keeps trying but he seriously ends up speaking nothing. But Rhea understands his empathy, thanks him and when they say bye...she waits and looks back at him...while he is busy trying to hold the umbrella and shove off the snow from his boots. And she smiles...

2. This is a very small shot...so small, that people hardly notice it. In the song "Chak de saare gam" he finally makes her smile and in the end, there is a teardrop in her eyes. He wipes it, cutely!

3. When at 2 o' clock in the night, he comes to her home, asking for food. They pretend as if, they are talking about arranged marriage. He becomes the guy, she becomes the girl. They fight on what is important...Tommy ( the dog they were planning to own) or Rhea...and he unconsciously holds her face in his hands...

4. when Mihir meets Rhea and explains her how much Karan loves her but will never know about it. How he remembers every single thing about her but it will take him years to realise that he actually loved her!

5. When Rhea comes up to him, expecting he will confess his feelings, Karan, acts like an insensitive self, and bluntly says that whatever happened between them was a mistake. When she leaves him then, she waits for a second, thinking he will call her back, but then, moves one, not even looking back for a single time.

And finally, the scene which made me cry a lot and left me in a trance. Let's keep it in hindi...

This is when Karan is badly drunk after having a fight with Rhea....and the words are...

" Usse lagta hai mujhe kuch dikhayi nahin deta...mein kuch nahin samajhta...

samajhta hun...tabhi pata hai...ki wo kahaan aur mein kahaan...

lekin ye justice hai kya?

Haan, justice hai...

Uske aansoo jab bhi nikalte hain to mujhe kyun dard hota hai...

Uski aankhein...uske aansoo...mujhe kyun farak padta hai...?

Par ye justice hai kya?

Achhaa hai...agar uske aansoo bhi hote...aur usse hi dard hota...wo sahi nahin hota...

lekin kya khaak justice hai ye?

justice to tab hota...jab uske aansoo aur uska dard...sab mujhe hi milte..."

And finally,when he reaches to Paris..the worst pain, waiting to afflict his soul...he is left by a mere building, which was her old home, to remind him of her...

And, when she is gone, gone far away, he realises his love!

Its sad...

True loss is realised only in absence.

P. S: This movie is my life!

Children through my eyes

If you care to observe, you will find these children in every nook and corner of Delhi. These children, might not have the facilities which we have. But then, inspite of the odds, they are making things happen, in their own ways, by trying to be educated. This is real victory, real happiness, real peace!


For the past 3 years, I wanted to click these children in my memories. With our 5th semester photo feature, I got a chance to actually pursue my thought.

P. S: Sometimes, black and white photography shows the real colour of life!